The Freedom to Become

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we become the people we are.

Not just the big things. The little things too. The people who raise us. The places we grow up. The things we see. The things we're taught. The people who come into our lives and leave something behind.

And sometimes, the things we decide not to do.

My mami was once asked if she was sad that she wasn’t a nana.

Her answer was simple:

“It’s not my choice to be one.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

My mami was a single mother, not by choice. My dad drowned when I was six, and she spent her life taking care of us kids. She knew what it meant to put everyone else first.

But when it came to whether I would have children, she understood something really important.

My life was mine.

She could have wanted grandchildren. She could have imagined a different life for me. But she knew that wasn't her decision to make.

I think about that a lot.

Because women are handed an awful lot of expectations, aren't we?

There seems to be a script we're given without anyone actually asking if we want to read it.

Grow up. Get married. Have children. Take care of everyone. Build a career. Keep everything together.

And somewhere in there, we're supposed to remember to take care of ourselves.

Who wrote this script anyway?

I've never been particularly good at following one.

I've always had itchy feet.

Even as a little girl, I felt like there was more out there. More places to see. More people to meet. More things to learn.

I've lived in different places, travelled to countries all over the world, and spent years exploring.

And one of the greatest things travel has taught me is that my way isn't the only way.

Something that seems strange to me might be completely normal somewhere else.

Something I was taught was rude might simply be part of another culture.

That doesn't mean I have to agree with everything.

It means I don't have to assume my way is the right way.

There's a lot of freedom in that.

I think that's why I've always looked at life a little differently.

I've always thought life is like a map.

There are many routes to get where you're going. There isn't just one way.

You might take the motorway.

You might take the scenic route.

You might get completely lost and end up somewhere you never intended to be.

You might decide halfway there that you don't even want to go to that place anymore.

And that's okay too.

I've certainly taken a few interesting routes in my time. 😂

I wanted to live in Chicago, so I did.

I wanted to travel, so I found a way to make it a huge part of my life.

I've lived in Long Beach and Austin and spent long stretches in Salt Lake and Portland.

I've travelled to the Philippines several times — a place I first became fascinated by as a little girl doing a school report.

I've gone to Florence because I wanted to see Calcio Storico.

Because apparently a perfectly normal person goes to Florence to see Renaissance art.

I went to watch people play a centuries-old game that looks like someone decided football, rugby and a fist fight should all happen at the same time.

That's me.

Curiosity has always won.

And I think that's why I was reminded of this idea of becoming in a completely different way by my friend Jarrad.

Jarrad and I started our skincare companies around the same time. We're building in completely different markets, but we value what each of us is doing, and we've become good friends.

He's one of those genuinely good people the world needs more of.

He gave me a Pounamu stone.

It had no defined shape.

He explained that it represented the fact that I was still shaping myself.

At the time, he was thinking about my business.

But I remember thinking there was something in that for me, too.

Because, let's be honest, who has themselves completely figured out?

Not me, that's for sure.

I'm still learning.

Still changing my mind.

Still making mistakes.

Still discovering things about myself.

Still occasionally wondering what on earth I'm doing.

And maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Maybe we're not supposed to arrive at some final version of ourselves.

Maybe we're supposed to keep becoming.

I've also learned that becoming yourself isn't always comfortable.

Sometimes you outgrow things.

Sometimes you outgrow places.

Sometimes you outgrow expectations.

And sometimes you outgrow an old version of yourself.

That can be scary.

But it can also be exciting.

Because if we're still shaping ourselves, then we're not finished.

And I don't think I want to be finished.

I want to keep learning.

I want to keep travelling.

I want to keep meeting people who see the world differently than I do.

I want to keep changing my mind when I learn something new.

I want to keep taking the routes that make sense to me — even when they're not the routes everyone else would choose.

And maybe that's what freedom means to me.

Not having every answer.

Not having a perfectly mapped-out life.

But knowing that there is always another route.

So if you're sitting there thinking you've taken the wrong road, maybe you haven't.

Maybe you just haven't found the next turn yet.

And if the route you've been on doesn't fit anymore, you are allowed to change direction.

You're allowed to choose a different road.

You're allowed to become someone you haven't met yet.

I'm still shaping myself.

Still figuring it out.

Still following those itchy feet.

And for now, I'm going to put the kettle on.

You bring your story.

We'll see where the road takes us.

Jamie ☘️

☕️ Cuppa with Jamie